Depression

I don't mean to come off as a sad sack all the time, but today was a terrible day and in all honesty, I'm having a hard time coming up with reasons to keep my sunny demeanor anymore. Work is terrible, Wadsworth is far away from everyone, I'm lonely a lot of the time, and I have no motivation to do anything. I've been seeing a shrink for the past six months and yet I still feel this way, so maybe he's failing, or maybe I'm just failing.

Someone at work tried to set me up with one of the new girls. I blew that off because I'm not interested in any work romances, and right now I don't know how much good I would do anyone. That being said, I may still run it just to break the loneliness and monotony. I just want someone to go to movies with, enjoy conversations with, and maybe someone to inspire me to the great things that are seemingly within my grasp. Who knows. I still have faith in God and know that there is a plan out there for me.

I lost a friend today. One of my best friends told me that we could know longer be friends (long story, but it's an ex, and those are always interesting)...and even though our friendship hasn't been the same since we broke up (obv), I still valued the time we spent together. She was sort of my companion in misery and we kept each other company. Well, she doesn't need me anymore because she's getting back together with her husband (again, long story, and most of the important people that might read this already know it...but for anyone who doesn't, I'm not "that guy," the one that steals wives, believe me) and he's banned me as a friend. It's the right move and I don't hold a grudge for him making such a decree, but I will miss my friend a lot. I invested a TON in our friendship/relationship and it's weird to think that it is all gone now. She was one of the few people I talked to every single day, and it's odd to think that we not only won't be doing that anymore, but we also will not be talking at all. Awkward.

I will say one last thing about that relationship. If we had met at a different point in each of our lives, we'd probably have lived a pretty happy life together, but the amount of baggage and crazy shit that I went through in the past year was actually completely insane. I must have been nuts...or just in love with someone that loved me back. My grieving for the actual relationship ended months ago, but I guess there will always be a little part of me that will miss it, for all of the craziness.

I can't believe I actually managed to write twice in a week. Signing off for now.

Songs of the Second:
Death Cab for Cutie - Someday You Will Be Loved
Relient K - Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover
Anberlin - Dismantle. Repair (Song of the Year 2007 back for a second go round)

Random Thoughts

So pretty much the last couple months have been a lot of do-nothing days, work has been crappy (lots of long stressful hours), I'm back to the whole "being alone" thing, and I haven't been as motivated as I should be to actually do stuff (and I mean anything). I'm sort of in a rut, but it's not a totally unproductive rut, more of a going-through-the-motions style of rut. I get up, do random stuff on the computer or run buffoonish errands, go to work, come home, chat with Jeremy, modo, etc, and go to sleep. I need to remember who I am and the freshness that must accompany that identity, so I decided to bust out the blog and actually write something of complete inconsequence to get the juiceseseseses flowing.

Let's start with my favorite trend of the past six months: girls doing Wii Fit and posting videos of it online. I'm not sure why this is so hot, but my guess is that a girl not only playing a video game, but a hot girl playing a video game in boy shorts or the like is just ridiculous to most gamers. A sample video, featuring Playboy Playmate Jo Garcia (one of the hottest women alive, imo, because she not only games but didn't answer her favorite games with Tetris or Dr. Mario, but instead Final Fantasy and Xenosaga), can be found here, and it's SFW surprisingly. Go on youtube and do a search if you want to see more, but for someone as jaded as myself to find something like this hot...color me surprised.

Since we're just going off the top of my head here, I think I'll throw a little shout-out to all the gamers that read this blog. One of my favorite things to do on Modo is to beat the person that preemptively ggs me when they don't have the sure win. Another favorite is when someone declines a split with me in the finals of an 8-4, and then I proceed to bash their faces while they whine about me "having it all." Side note: Playing a turn 6 Oona's Gatewarden does not constitute "having it all."

Enough gaming talk, back to stream of conciousness. I've been playing a lot of the facebook game "Scramble" aka Boggle with a nice group of my friends. I encourage any of you that have facebook to install this application and play with us, as it's a nice test for all of our brains and might even prevent a little bit of atrophy.

In other news, I've actually been getting some new music, so that might help to shake out some of the cobwebs of the past year. Some choice selections will follow in the postscript.

Actually I need to get in gear and go to the grocery store so that I can eat some fats, so I'll say goodbye for now - more music picks to come later this week.

Songs of the Second:
Relient K - Who I Am Hates Who I've Been (acoustic)
Death Cab for Cutie - Cath...
Avenged Sevenfold - Afterlife (sounds like video game music at the start)
All Time Low - Dear Maria, Count Me In
Alkaline Trio - Help Me
Plain White T's - Hate (I Really Don't Like You) - FROM THE VAULT
Foreigner - Double Vision - FROM THE VAULT
Bullet for My Valentine - Hearts Burst Into Fire - INEXPLICABLE PICK OF THE DAY