Depression

I don't mean to come off as a sad sack all the time, but today was a terrible day and in all honesty, I'm having a hard time coming up with reasons to keep my sunny demeanor anymore. Work is terrible, Wadsworth is far away from everyone, I'm lonely a lot of the time, and I have no motivation to do anything. I've been seeing a shrink for the past six months and yet I still feel this way, so maybe he's failing, or maybe I'm just failing.

Someone at work tried to set me up with one of the new girls. I blew that off because I'm not interested in any work romances, and right now I don't know how much good I would do anyone. That being said, I may still run it just to break the loneliness and monotony. I just want someone to go to movies with, enjoy conversations with, and maybe someone to inspire me to the great things that are seemingly within my grasp. Who knows. I still have faith in God and know that there is a plan out there for me.

I lost a friend today. One of my best friends told me that we could know longer be friends (long story, but it's an ex, and those are always interesting)...and even though our friendship hasn't been the same since we broke up (obv), I still valued the time we spent together. She was sort of my companion in misery and we kept each other company. Well, she doesn't need me anymore because she's getting back together with her husband (again, long story, and most of the important people that might read this already know it...but for anyone who doesn't, I'm not "that guy," the one that steals wives, believe me) and he's banned me as a friend. It's the right move and I don't hold a grudge for him making such a decree, but I will miss my friend a lot. I invested a TON in our friendship/relationship and it's weird to think that it is all gone now. She was one of the few people I talked to every single day, and it's odd to think that we not only won't be doing that anymore, but we also will not be talking at all. Awkward.

I will say one last thing about that relationship. If we had met at a different point in each of our lives, we'd probably have lived a pretty happy life together, but the amount of baggage and crazy shit that I went through in the past year was actually completely insane. I must have been nuts...or just in love with someone that loved me back. My grieving for the actual relationship ended months ago, but I guess there will always be a little part of me that will miss it, for all of the craziness.

I can't believe I actually managed to write twice in a week. Signing off for now.

Songs of the Second:
Death Cab for Cutie - Someday You Will Be Loved
Relient K - Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover
Anberlin - Dismantle. Repair (Song of the Year 2007 back for a second go round)