The Unwinding Cable Car

Hi everyone,

Lots of stuff going on in my life right now. Happy Father's Day to all of you Dads out there! With that out of the way, I guess I can just start with that most tilt-worthy of topics: women.

I know I've said lots of things re: being alone. Some posts I say how I think it's best that I'm alone, but even in those posts, the unstated but obvious thing is that I fear being alone and want to share my life with someone. I have finally started to get some confidence in myself, not wanting to change my personality or who I am to impress a girl, and all-around just feeling better about who I am (the freshest, obv) and what makes me the man that I am today. The confidence that I have built up is still fragile, however, and a few things can easily put me right back to tilt, but the good news is that after a little reflection, I usually feel BETTER, rather than always going into the deepest darkest recesses of Emotown.

So what is going on right now? I have no idea. For the first time in seemingly forever, someone was interested in me, but due to forces outside my control and a messy situation that probably will only get messier, I find myself doing my best to keep things stable. I know that I'm usually not very secretive in this journal...in fact, I've called out my closest friends before here and still feel justified in doing so, and I've aired plenty of dirty laundry. This is different. People that aren't me deserve some sense of privacy in these pages, so I'm going to leave out the details. I'll just say that I'm in a bit of an ethical/moral quandry and I've been praying a lot for guidence.

In other women-related news, I think my long running mutual animosity with Stepf at work has come to an end. In the end, I've come to the realization that people are what they are, but there is some good in most people. And while she and I will never see eye-to-eye on certain things I'm sure, she's still an intelligent young woman who I enjoy chatting with, and the redeeming qualities are what we should ALL focus on in our daily lives rather than pointing out the flaws or things that we don't like about people. I'd like to take a moment here to congratulate Stepf on her engagement and also to apologize for any part I played in what amounted to nearly a year of anger.

Further continuing the bright side of things, I've actually gotten to spend a good bit of time with my few female friends lately. Between Dana, Leslie, and Missy, I've actually had a fair dose of estrogen to bounce my ideas off of, and seeing "Knocked Up" with Dana/Dave and John/Christy was an experience, as that movie pegged the way that men and women think better than any movie that I've ever seen. It was also hilarious, but you all need to see it for yourselves if you haven't yet. I even went hiking and thanks to the insane accomidations of Missy and Ben, I managed to survive not too much worse for wear and even had a good time "experiencing nature." I still maintain that nature defeated me, but at least I put up a fight.

Truly things are interesting right now, as most of my social interaction comes from people that I work with due to my shift and lack of friends that work the same shift as I do outside of Omnicare.

Next Saturday, the 23rd, is my birthday, and I would really like to get as many people together as I can to go out and have a good time. Maybe something like cookout/board gaming?/card gaming? during the day, go out to the bars or something else at night and get hammered, all of my friends together. I know Bren isn't gonna drink but hopefully he can drive us around and the rest of us can just see how much fun we can have and really let loose. Let me know this week if any of you can make it so that we can plan it all out.

May update again soon, but for now,
lets
push
things
forward.

Songs of the Second:
Anberlin - Inevitable
Breaking Benjamin (?) - Breath
White Stripes - Icky Thump
Snow Patrol - Signal Fire