(Fin)

Just got back from the MC Lars show and it was an awesome time. Highlights are too many to mention but we got to meet MC Lars and he was a very nice guy, like someone we could have over to Chris's for gaming on a Saturday night.

I know I promised to cut back on the girl talk/spaghettios but I really want to get a few things off of my chest.

Blah blah women are so dumb blah blah.

Ok, I guess I'll go into detail for all of the fresh folks out there who don't already know. I'm very prone to falling for girls way too fast. I've made a career, check that, a life out of chasing after/pining after/not getting the current "girl of my dreams." I'm getting cavitites from all the sugarcoating that I've endured. Honesty is sometimes the best policy instead of trying to spare feelings.

Dana asked me tonight if the reason this was so hard on me is because I was so attracted physically. Interestingly enough, that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm one of those people who believes that physical attraction is important but the other person does not need to meet some sort of ideal or whatever. I usually shoot for the moon in the looks department, but every once in a while a girl will come along with a dazzling personality or sense of humor. When that happens I can usually find things that attract me to her physically, even when she's not exactly the normal type that I have lurking around my head.

Not the best read from me this last time. I'm a little bitter, but I guess I was just so hoping for someone special/different from all the others that I let myself become convinced that it was the case. In reality, it's more of the same and I think it's probably me, since I care so much about the other person's feelings that the only thing that can happen is to get walked on.

I guess at the end of the day I'm left where I was at the start of the day, but with a nice reminder that FAITH in God will get me through all of my troubles, just not necessarily in the way that I imagined.

I am FAR from perfect. Besides my physical limitations (still working on it, but with a renewed sense of purpose), I have financial issues (not many but still) and I'm not as confident as I should be. Personality wise, I have a lot of charisma but I can sometimes come across/act needy because like most people, I enjoy attention. However, I am a pretty damn good guy, I treat people with respect and legitimately care about what they are all about, I'm generous and have a healthy relationship with my family and friends. I work hard and always try to keep improving myself whenever I can. I also have my faith to keep me going.

I am giving myself a fresh start here. I want to stop reflecting on my past failures with women, High Fidelity style, and move forward with a clean slate and a new attitude towards women. Perhaps I have been giving girls too much credit and too much influence, when in reality, I should just put it on the back burner and let it simmer for a while. That being said, a final top 5 list to mark the end of 10 years of getting my heart broken, emo-kid style. Here's to the next ten years of douchebaggery!

The Ones That Fucking Smashed My Face
(girl edition)

1. Jackie
2. Sara
3. Michelle
4. Jess
5. Tiffany

If you've seen the movie, you know the deal with what #5 is all about.

All my real friends that read this, I need some help. I have to get out and start moving forward...I've been approaching things so badly for so long that I have no idea what to do next, and I really need you guys. And I know that sounds sorta sad, but honestly, I've resisted being a 25 year old guy for a long time and I need some help.

Songs for this Post:
Cartel - Save Us
Anberlin - (Fin)