Dismantle. Repair.

Anberlin was awesome in concert. I have a lot to say about the evening as a whole, but for now I want to put this placeholder in here so I don't forget to come back and do it.

If you read this, check back sometime tomorrow for the real update.

Ok so I lied, it's been almost two weeks since the Anberlin concert, and there is a lot going on in my life.

First of all, I have to go see a neurologist this friday to investigate if there is something more to my lifelong migraines and the like. I almost want to skip out on the appointment (and still may) because it seems like a reason to get some money from me with very little in return, sorta like preying on my worries that something could be really wrong up inside my head (besides the obvious insanity).

In other news, I haven't had much time for anything lately. I see Cedric for lunch a couple times a week, talk to Bren on the phone pretty much daily, and besides that it's work friends or bust. I wouldn't say it's such a bad thing, but right now things are pretty limited to Spruce (who has his mind in other places, and rightfully so) and Jeremy (same situation pretty much). No one else has really stepped up to be more than just a work friend so far, which is pretty disappointing.

Which brings me back to the Anberlin concert...I got Natalie tickets for her birthday and she asked me to go with her. I wanted to see Anberlin and spending time with Nat is always fun, so I obviously agreed. Unfortunately the day before the show I find out that Stepfanie Wright and her boyfriend Jeremiah are going to the show too, and we're meeting them there. Obviously this makes me a little uncomfortable as Stepf really doesn't like me and I'm sure that Jeremiah feels the same way.

A little background here for those who care: despite being totally opposite people in many ways, Stepf and I used to get along just fine until basically she decided to make me look like a liar and a jerk to everyone at work. Normally I would say that I shit it, but I clearly don't shit everyone thinking poorly of me and bad feelings. Compound this with the wildly different philosophies on life, the major superficial differences between the two of us, and the maturity level, plus the fact that she has so much influence over the social lives of most of the young people in the pharmacy, and you have a recipe for disaster.

I'm still cordial to her at work, making small talk and other work-related conversation just fine, but she's a master manipulator and she's helped to make my friendships at work much more difficult than they need to be. ALL of that being said, the Christian thing to do is forgive and forget, which I am more than willing to do, and in fact, I want to make the first move and apologize to her for any slights, real or perceived, that may have occurred. I put my foot in my mouth an awful lot, and I can be a jerk sometimes too, especially when put into situations where I feel that I have been wronged. I am going to try and work on that in the upcoming weeks.

So back to the concert. The opening acts were token and sorta lame, with Meg and Dia basically being two Michelle Branches up there, yet people tried to most to it, which was odd, and of course drunken idiot teens yelling "take off your shirt" at them was just ridiculously dumb. Bayside brought all the foons out to play, performing a pretty good set, but all the crowd moshing around was strange for an emo band. I had to stand guard, which my large frame makes me pretty good at, but I missed a lot of the show because I was not paying close attention.

Anberlin was amazing. Highlights for me included "A Whisper and a Clamor," "Paperthin Anthem," the final encore, "Fin," and of course the simply stunning "Dismantle. Repair." The crowd energy was tremendous during D.R. and I was singing very loudly, probably embarassing Nat, Jeremiah, and Stepf, but really, WHO CARES? I was having a great time and I don't regret it.

Lowlights were mostly people related. Stepf was actually fairly friendly for most of the night, to her credit, but Jeremiah neither greeted nor said goodbye to me when they left, which I found pretty rude. Neither one of them said goodbye and they left unannounced before the last song. If it was just a concert, I would not have too much a problem with it, but it was Natalie's birthday show so it's like durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. It far from ruined the night, and the resulting chat about the whole dynamic between Stepf/I with Natalie at IHOP was extremely healthy and felt good just to talk about.

As far as the whole women situation goes, I think it's best for me to just be alone for a while so that I can figure out exactly what I want, not just from a partner but from myself as well. The Natalie experiment didn't go very well, and I need to stop trying to date girls that are my friends rather than becoming friends with girls that I date. I don't really regret anything though (besides the stuffed dog that I bought in Geneva....AWKWARD) and hopefully I can learn even more lessons as time goes on.

The important thing is that I now have Faith that things will work out in all aspects of life. My relationship with God (very much strengthened by knowing Natalie) has helped me through what would have been a very difficult stretch, and one that is still tough going as I write this. I'm beat, so I'm going to bed.

Songs of the Second:

Bayside - Duality
Relient K - Deathbed (this song actually brought tears to my eyes)
Anberlin - A Whisper and a Clamor