I'm Back (Again)

Wow, it's been a moderately crazy couple of months, but I had today off from work and decided it would be TIME FOR AN UPDATE. I saw the mighty Brian Six this weekend (not to be confused with Johnny Seven derfy derf), and he asked me if I still had a blog. So here I am. Rock you like a hurricane.

So I've been searching for some answers lately. Where to start? You guessed it, revisiting former blog entries! I went back and reread some of the stuff I've written in the past, and it's amazing that I've had this blog for going on 6 years. Unfortunately, I'm still DOING THE SAME STUFF that I was 5 years ago. THAT HAS TO CHANGE.

What am I so afraid of? Change? Failure? Making a decision? I have no idea. But fear has been ruling my life for a long time. I have to take more chances and get back to being Joe Gagliardi - I was a man who said how he felt for a very long time, but it just became easier to say what people wanted to hear and grin and bear it. Enough of that. Enough of the easy way out.

I'd like to take this opportunity to tell certain people to fuck off. I'm done acquiescing. Take your lack of respect for me and my work and stick it up your ass. I'm a better, smarter, and kinder person than you will ever be. I've tried to be friendly and be apologetic even when I'm not wrong. That ends now. Enjoy your meaningless, goalless life because it's what you have to look forward to for the next 40 years. And oh, by the way, another fuck you to those people who haven't supported me despite my best efforts to increase the quality of their lives on a daily basis. I'm not perfect, but I certainly haven't been selfish in my dealings with these people. If they refuse to give back the respect that I have shown them, then I am done giving it.

But it's not all negative here in JoeWorld (TM). I talked to some old friends this week. Some of them old but still very good friends (paging DOCTOR Mazzola), others are from the VAULT (SJB Girls? What on earth?), and others still are returning as we speak (Michele Popovic, come on down!). I miss the old me. I felt a lot of pain when I was "the old me," but at least there was feeling. Modern me has the "shit it" attitude that is so prevelant nowadays. Where has shitting it got me, you might ask? Lead Technician at a long-term care pharmacy, thank you very much! Omnicare was great to me, and helped me get back on my feet during my darkest days, but perhaps it's time to move on to something bigger and better...I just feel like I'm destined to do so.

Another positive thing that I want to talk about is how great a roommate Jeremy has been. I have been truly blessed with great roommates during my life, from Brian Halm the magical leprachaun to Sean "Sexxy Lumina" Knurek all the way to current day Jeremy Rexroad. No cohabitational relationship is going to be perfect, but Jeremy is a hell of a guy who is always there for me when I need him, and has been ultra-accomodating during our time living together. I will truly miss living with him!

Also making a big return is a little spirituality. I truly believe that God has a plan for me, and where I may not ever actually know the plan, I am pretty sure that there is more to it than where I am right now.

I can't promise when I will write again, but I will try and make it more regular. There is a lot of burning issues in my mind, and one of them is perhaps trying to make a go of getting off of the psychosematic medications that I have been on for going on 8 years. I know that I have anxiety issues, but maybe, just maybe, I can work through them if I'm patient enough with the withdrawls and move on to just acute attack medication (Xanax, most likely).

Song of this very moment, hearkening back to 2005 - Anberlin - Paperthin Anthem.