Detox Just to Retox (Dreams)

So this is going to be a pretty heavy duty post. I want to talk about dreams. Not the kind you have in your sleep, but the kind that keep life worth living. Yes, I know, this is beyond my usual post about girls and sports and the stuff that makes up the daily grind.

I've spent an ungodly amount of time in my life thinking about my dreams. In a discussion with my college roommate Sean (coincidentally one of the best friends in my life, but someone I haven't physically seen in around 6 years), we were catching up on things and we both said something along the lines of "same place I've been in for 8 years." Sean is a very successful person scholastically. He's probably the all-time best student that I've ever known, completing multiple degrees from multiple high-class academic institutions.

I on the other hand have spent the last 8 years doing a variety of odd jobs that some people would consider below my station intellectually. The truly ridiculous thing is even with all of this time to think about what my dreams truly are, I still have no idea what I want my life to look like in even 1 year, much less in 5 or 10. Once in a while, something emerges from my cloudy mental picture...a moment of clarity. On Monday, WKNR, the sports station here in NE Ohio put out a press release about a new host for the drive time shift, Michael Reghi. The press release was irrelevant mostly, but the contact information at the top had me thinking that maybe I would be better off leaving my sustainable but unfufilling job at Omnicare (where I am in line for a nice promotion within the next year) and heading off into the world of radio, no matter how mundane the entry level job might be. Why would that thought cross my mind? I've spent the last 4 years building up my status at Omnicare to be recognized and ultimately promoted. Leaving now seems incredibly stupid but at the same time incredibly logical. I proved what I wanted to prove and I can say with relative certainty that this is not what I want as a career.

Starting over is a scary thought but I am strongly considering sending an email to WKNR asking for a job doing whatever. Throughout my life one of the only enduring passions has been sports. I love sports, I love statistics, I love the excitement that comes with rooting for your favorite team in an important game. I love the meaningless May baseball games that play in the background at work. But most of all, I love the stories that come from sports, the triumph in the face of unbelievable odds, or even when the best effort isn't enough and you fall short.

I guess I look at life in a different way as I've aged. I've been so terrible at closing doors to various opportunities in my life. My talents have gotten me involved in many areas in which I could conceivably succeed or at least produce good work at a high level. The problem is that I don't like to just pick one path and stick to it because I'm afraid I would be happier doing something else. For most men, this materializes in a fear to commit in a relationship, but I've let it bleed into my entire life because I have such grand dreams. I'm always looking around searching for the next big thing to be interested in until something even MORE interesting comes my way.

I talked to my therapist (yes, I'm one of THOSE people) about things and he basically said that I'm still young and it's not that crazy to follow your dreams. I guess it's supposed to be hard. The inertia factor in the day-to-day grind is so high for people like me. I have a hard time taking the difficult path because the easy paths have always been there for me. The other thing that keeps going through my mind is just moving away and forcing myself to do something tough. I guess I need to make some decisions about where I want to be tomorrow rather than always over analyzing and thinking about where that decision will put me in 5 years.

My new mission is to work on making short-term goals and the decisions that go with them. One such goal is to brush my teeth at least 2x/day rather than just once a day. I used to be incredibly anal about my teeth but lately I've gotten lazy. I once wrote a very high-minded "goals for the next year" blog that pretty much was destined for failure because of my inability to concentrate on the minutiae and love of big picture thinking. So I'm now going to try a different approach.

Goals for the next week:
1. Brush teeth 2x/day
2. Go to the gym at least once
3. Write a letter/email to WKNR
4. Spend less than $50 on food (dinners at work, etc)
5. Organize bills (student loans, medical, rent, phone, car payment - know what is owed, when, and start prioritizing and reducing overall debt)
6. Enjoy Saturday (Rockband with the guys?)
7. Go to church on Sunday

Long Term Goals to focus on this month:
1. Financial Freedom (tighten the belt but avoid misery)
2. Spiritual Awakening (attend church and pray regularly)
3. Physical Maintenance (eat healthier and work out more)

Songs of the Second:
Radiohead - Karma Police (from the VAULT)
Bayside - Moceanu
Fall Out Boy - Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes
Pink Spiders - Gimmie Chemicals
Nickelback - Something in your Mouth (ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS SONG)

Movie of the Minute:
Gran Torino