Introspection

Ever have one of those moments where you look around and wonder "how on earth did I get here?" I'm sure most people have, but few people have them with the frequency that I do. Pretty much every time I get a free minute, if I let my mind wander inside itself, a profound sadness overtakes me. I'm stuck in some sort of weird place where I feel like I should be doing better but at the same time lack the confidence to do anything about it. Very strange...

In other news, I've been working up a storm (up to 40 hrs a week) in addition to school starting. Another weird thing is the fact that I'm looking FORWARD to everyone being gone away at school so that I can force myself to get down to business. As much as I love spending time with my friends, they just don't have the lifestyle that I can lead anymore. Most of them play poker for income and are extreme night owls. I have a "normal schedule" starting around 8:30 am and going until midnight or thereabouts. Once everyone is gone back to school and with my other group of friends in a constant spiral, work and school will become major foci in my life. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with all of this, but the harsh reality is that my bachelor's degree is somehow almost done (1.5 yrs left) and then who knows? Work is going pretty well, if difficult due to the influx of new ppl and the loss of a ton of experienced workers recently. I'm counted on to do an awful lot, but that's ok, as being indispensible is a good quality.

I've sorta been feeling especially lonely lately as well. I have literally no prospects on the female side of things, but hopefully with school starting and stuff I can get it together and maybe meet someone nice. I've spent the last couple years on tilt basically because I don't want to get emotionally involved with anyone because I can't handle hurt very well. I think I'm past that, which means I might start looking for more than the physical and actually accept the fact that girls make fine friends, albeit different. Basically, as awful as this sounds, I gotta get myself motivated to meet new people, and the only way to do that is to take me out of my comfort zone around my other friends. Tomorrow starts the adventure.

Song of the Second:
Relient K - Who I Am Hates Who I've Been