I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past couple of days. At first, I was extremely negative about what happened on Friday, that being getting shot down by Shannon for date #2. She's way too nice to fully tell me to go fuck myself, so I ended up getting the stammering "yeah, sure, sometime" answer from her. I'm not naive enough to not know what that means, and to be honest, it really hurt my feelings. I normally don't care one bit about the girls I go after, mostly because I try not to let myself get attached, but it was unavoidable in this case. She is/was a very good match for me, and I've been getting antsy about being alone again, so I fell into my own personal trap.

Part of the problem of course has nothing to do with the specific girl, but the notion that she represented. A ray of hope in an otherwise dark life. Basically I'm looking for inspiration, something to get me going in the right direction, and although perhaps not in the way I was looking for, she might have provided it after all.

After spending a lot of time with my close friends both Friday night and Saturday, I remain on tilt, but in a different way. I've come to realize that I'm simply not gonna get the chances that the average attractive/powerful/rich person is gonna get to meet new people, and the only way to beat that is to become one of those things. Rationally, I should be able to just be myself and eventually I'll meet the right person who likes me for me (Hey, Leonardo!), but in practice it just doesn't work that way. I like my personality, I think I'm an overall good person, and I'm a good time a vast majority of the time ppl spend around me. That isn't enough. It's just asking too much of the opposite gender to overlook the obvious and focus on the intangibles that make a relationship work...and I can't even truly criticize that point because I think it might just be human nature.

My New Goals:

1. Finish School (finally) and get myself on the path to making a good salary.
2. Show no fear and try and procure as many different dates as possible in the process sheerly for the experience and the possible chance that I could meet someone
3. Begin workout program to go along with my recent changes in my diet
4. Stop bleeding money just because my debts are nearly paid off, and get a new car so I don't have to drive around an actual joke (not to mention the potential lethality of driving that car much longer)
5. Quit gaming on a serious level and try to make my free time about something more productive.

ps Green Day "Holiday" FTW in the most insane game ever.

Songs:
Relient K - Be My Escape
MCS - My Favorite Accident
Jamison Parker - Anthem for the Broken Hearted
Foo Fighters - Times Like These (Acoustic)
Coheed and Cambria - Three Evils

from the etc many of these.